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this is so old…….

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this morning I forgot my phone and feeling naked, and, after a bit of staring out the window, i turned to the book i had on hand. up until today it was Mordechai Richler’s swan song, “Barney’s Version”, but it reminds me of the last book of his i tried to slog through. “St. Urbain’s Horseman”. it was my introduction to Montreal before I ever went there. And, though i can well appreciate the Canadiana references, in the back of my head i hear his swaggering, gravelly baritone droning this stream of consciousness. (not that i should be critical because this is precisely the writing style i have adopted. ) this book is replete with footnotes, correcting factual dalliances here and there. i made it to page 55 and i felt like i’ve run a marathon, and i think i’d rather just run a marathon and hit the wall and be done with it.

the biggest problem for me is it doesn’t have that lovely escape hatch feel to it.  even the grittiest of crime novels allows me to fit in between the skin of the book and the character until the crime(s) is solved. this it isn’t taking me anywhere away from here. if anything it is having the opposite effect, causing my mind to wander into dangerous territory, making me linger in the hurting place, which is precisely where i don’t want to be.

so in the spirit of making a good use of time, i opt instead for a few page snatch of this social networking book i picked up. a conversation a friend has me exploring a whole new way of networking with a mind to making it pay off in the long run. i’m not sure i’ll be able to exploit this to the best of my advantage, but it doesn’t hurt to explore.

i though i might simply collapse at work yesterday, the workload was something fierce, but that’s always the way give or take. today i walk with heavy feet dragging reluctantly back to the same place that causes me so much stress. my inability to cope has me strung out almost as much as the work i am meant to accomplish.  i’m no type a, but i am a driven perfectionist and i can never live up to the high expectations of my ability.

so i chuck some optimism at it and hope it passes. if not that, then what?



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