As everyone knows, my blog has always been part confessional, part rant, part general ramblings. I have wanted to focus in on one subject for some time but that seems impossible for me. And while I ponder this, in my head, always in my head, I find myself procrastinating to the point of complete excruciating idleness. I know what stops me from writing about certain subjects. There is shame and embarrassment surrounding the subject matter and that prevents me from letting go of it and pouring it into these blank white boxes as cathartically healing that may be.
I’ve had enough of that, I think, and it’s about bloody time. Most of what I am is comprised of are those personal experiences. They have defined who I am, much as I’d like that not to be true. It’s not likely I’ll change that much at this point so I’m going to continue to gaze inward through that navel of mine but with a more studied gaze…hopefully. The when and the where aren’t important. Afterall, that’s what causes me to stop and clutch those words possessively to my chest. It’ll happen when it happens and most likely because I am releasing the hounds and giving over to some truths more will shake loose more often.
Sure I’d still like to focus on subjects and throw down matter that folks want to read, but that’ll take some practice. I’m cracking the door open just a tad for now and see where that gets me.