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The fall

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I don’t remember the fall itself. I remember the panic of feeling myself unable to stop it but I was unconscious for the ambulance ride and delivery to emergency. When I came to I found myself on a bed not really aware of what had happened. I knew that my body had betrayed me but it was more an unfortunate case of being unable to stop momentum when I’d stepped on my shoelace. The last thing I remember is leaving to go home to feed my cat and to gratefully slide between the sheets of my bed…

There was a friend was there with me and I knew she should be at home as well, miles away with her boyfriend. I have the usual impression I do while in emergency on the occasions I’ve been before. I’m sure it’s the impressions of a lot of people do when they visit the emergency ward. It’s that of feeling being ignored and somehow less a human being because you happen to find yourself there. I did get some perfunctory if almost downright rude help but my major wound was taken care of, nothing fancy. No ice or cleaning, nothing to soothe the scrapes. I get it though, resources are slim. After a time–five hours or so–I was sent on my way, shooed out into the cold to find myself a cab to take me home. I arrived home to a very hungry cat and that bed I so craved and climbed in, but not before I survey the damage; scrapes, swelling, stitches. Luckily for me my teeth are intact (again unlike my pride). My glasses took the brunt of the damage. I would once again find myself having to throw myself on the mercy of my local optician to get the lens fixed.

The next day as I was squeezing blood out of my clothing and taking an Advil hoping to aid with the swelling and residual pain, it was driven home that a cat can’t feed you or baby you and that’s really what I wanted. I wanted somebody to fuss over me and tell me” it would be OK, or anything….It’s not the first time I felt this way annd I’m sure it certainly won’t be the last. But that lonely feeling that feeling when you feel truly alone doesn’t feel very good. I just wanted one of my nearby friends who’d witnessed the fall to come over with some chicken soup or buzz at my door and offer to make me tea without me asking, but they didn’t. I couldn’t help feeling abandoned when I needed. It stung almost as deeply as the tears streaming over my split lip. If there’s ever a moment when you realize you’re mostly alone, this was one of them.



About d.

a practical dreamer, a wanna be artist, a dabbler in writing, photography and whatever other shiny thing catches my fancy

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