today is a gimme. it was supposed to be raining. if there’s one thing i’ve learned: never take the weatherman seriously unless he got it right.
it’s all azure blue expanse with a few whiffs of white cotton puffs for contrast. the air has some bite to it, but in the sun it’s springtime. it takes the edge off things; sitting in the sun doing not a lot of anything. these days i’m gobbling up books as fast as i can. full on in escape mode from my own life. whatever works, huh. next week i’m going to try plodding up tall imagined mountains in an artificial environment, without the elements; push back at life with a choice “screw you i can bench the weight of a young child, so there.” it’s about bloody time.
that is the plan. oh, i am still sad and angry and generally topsy turvy, but what are you gonna do? maybe i should just give a shoulder shove in the direction of what it is i want for a change, instead of moping down the path of least resistance and least satisfaction.
today i was at the vgh getting a bone scan. i didn’t want to go, not because i am averse to the notion of finding out what my bone density might be, but i just didn’t want to go THERE to have it done. my brother was pronounced there. it seems to me that all of my visits to the hospital, save for one, have been to say goodbye to a member of my small family. my brother was just the latest.
and now, if i had bonbons i would retire to the sofa and see what is going on in soap world. i don’t know if it works as well with a heady cup of coffee, but i’m going to give it a try. continue with the theme of “nothing doing”, which is what days off are for.