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Daily Archives: April 20, 2009

grin even when it hurts

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i was reading a blog post i discovered through a running group that i never actually attend. never mind about that. i had good intentions. you know about that road.

oh, wanna know why i never join in the running group? i live 45 minutes from the meeting point and i really don't relish the idea of sitting on the bus afterward, rapidly cooling down, while i wait for the bus to slowly maneouvre it's circuitous route to get me home again. like i say, no matter. it was just a little side information

tom  was writing about first impressions, and i'm like him. if my face is passive, my expression appears somewhat forlorn or sad because my lips have a slight downward turn. while i lived in toronto i made the effort to talk to anybody because it was so important for me to make the human connection, and putting on a smile while feeling that black hole swirling inside somehow minimized the effect of the negativity, and it also made me feel better. as cheesy as the saying goes, it is true.

now that i am back in vancouver and feeling somewhat gutted and demoralized by the experience of my reacquaintance with the city i have found it helps to put on a happy face when put myself out there into the world. no matter how i feel. it's my secret smile, no one needs to know its origin and people respond to it, and in turn i reap the rewards of human connection in a city with whom  i've never felt much of kinship.

and there are people who pass me with apparently scowling or sneering expressions on their faces, i let that go by, because i am still actively trying to practice the four agreements, and agreement number two tells me not to take it personally because it likely has nothing to do with me.

a smile and a brief tenet have done more for my mental health of late than a bunch of mind numbing meds ever did. thus far.

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